Introduction

((League of Legends – Tahm Kench Theme))

Cricket songs and the chirping of frogs echo throughout the dark swamplands. A thick fog hangs in the air obscuring vision to blurry shapes and shadows.

Suddenly a voice could be heard, the sound of someone humming, and the fog begins to dissipate.

Through the clearing mist a massive lake was a true sight to behold.  Its’ dark waters gave it the appearance of a hole that would sallow everything around it.  Not even sunlight could be seen glinting on the surface.  But that did not mean that was no signs of life.

Sitting right in the very center was small boat.  The vessel appeared to have been hand crafted from wood and stone.  From the front hung a candle lit skull on a long boney neck.

The singer was a man garbed in all black, from the fedora he wore, to the suit and trench coat, all the way down to his shoes.  Shades just as dark hid his eyes from view.  The stranger held a cane in his gloved hands; it’s silver snake head being the only thing reflecting the sunshine.  The only other things of notice were the pony tail tied underneath the fedora, and a goatee-moustache combo.

When the dark stranger stopped his singing the fog suddenly began to gather again, almost as if a spell had kept it at bay.  Soon everything was being smothered once again as it converged on the strangers boat from all sides.

Just as the fog closed in on him the dark man turned to you, the viewers, and smiled.

Where the boat once was words began to rise up to the surface. Covered in muck, slime, water grass, etc. the words spelled out:

Abyss Arena

*the screen pulls back to reveal two individuals.  The one the left is an orc with a buzz cut hairstyle, biker style clothing, and lightly toned muscles with a bit of a gut*

BadOrk11: Well that wasn’t the least bit ominous in anyway. 

*the other individual is best described as a homeless man with a katana strapped to his back and random bits of scrap metal made to look like armor*

HoboSamurai: I think the word “obvious” would fit more appropriately…

BadOrk11: Quiet you! *looks to the audience and waves* Hi everyone and welcome to the very first episode of a little something I’d like to the call, THE ABYSS ARENA!  I’m your host BadOrk11, and the smelly guy standing next to me is my co-host.

HoboSamurai: *glances towards BadOrk11* Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.  Anyway yes I am HoboSamurai and I would also like to welcome all of you to our show.  Now some of you might be wondering, “What the heck is this so called Abyss Arena?  How is it any different from things like Deadliest Warrior, or Death Battle?”

BadOrk11: Excellent question, and one we’re happy to answer.  At the very heart of things the Arena is no different from the other two since, in the end, it involves having characters from all sources of media slugging it out with one another!  BUT that, my dear viewers, is where the similarities end.

HoboSamurai: Big, green, and tubby here pulled out all the stops to make sure no one would ever compare the Abyss Arena with the others.

BadOrk11: One of the changes I ((HoboSamurai: AHEM)), WE made was to the make the most important part of any match, the research phase, more enjoyable for the viewers.  What does that mean?  Well instead of just talking about all the really cool shit these fighters can do and show some clips, we are going have a more “hands-on” approach and test this stuff ourselves!

HoboSamurai: Just like Deadliest Warrior but without being completely biased and only focusing on the gear instead of the fighter.  *sighs* That’s what happens when you put something that should have been on a historical channel on SPIKE instead. 

BadOrk11: Amen to that buddy…  And for those of you wondering how we’re gonna get anything done without guest representatives don’t worry we got that part covered.

HoboSamurai: By that he means we’ve got two sets of guinea pigs ready for the meat grinder.  Ladies and germs, the Reds and Blues from Red vs. Blue and the TeuFort mercenaries from Team Fortress 2!

*two screens flash on, one showing the entire RvB cast and the other with the TeuFort crew but all of them are purple colored instead*

HoboSamurai: What the- why are the TF2 guys purple?

BadOrk11: Yeah that… Well since we already have a red and blue team I thought it’d be pretty retarded to have a third team that’s the same color.  So I had a fresh batch made instead with a color swap.

HoboSamurai: I don’t know whether to call that a smart move or the laziest excuse I’ve heard since that time Grif used that being all religion option to get out of work. 

BadOrk11: Why don’t you go back to having your drinking contest with the Demoman while I get some actual work done?

HoboSamurai: Because getting underneath your thick ass skin is most fun I’ve had in a while.  Plus you sent the guys off to get the first match ready so looks like I’m stuck here with your fat green ass.

BadOrk1: I’ll spit in your beer.  Anyway that’s not the only change we made just for the Arena.  There are tons of new ideas, themed Seasons, team matches, Abyss Gauntlets, BUUUT those are for another time.  Instead there is one thing that we have to talk about with you our viewers and it’s the one major difference that sets the Abyss Arena apart from the others. 

HoboSamurai: Unlike all the other shows we don’t go out of our way to always end our matches in a Mortal Kombat style death.  So those of you who have a blood n gore fetish and love seeing how the next guy is gonna die, then it was nice knowing you now get the Hell out and go watch a Quentin Tarantino film or some shit.  Plus the big baby over here has a problem with seeing certain characters go out like that.

BadOrk11: Hey like you don’t skip the ending of some fights because your guy loses and you don’t want to see what happens.  Besides it actually gets kinda boring in some cases when you get right down to it.  What we want to achieve is something that fans will have fun reading from beginning to end without dreading over the fact that someone’s gonna get the axe.  If it’s not in their nature to kill then we aren’t going to force them. 

HoboSamurai: We like to think of these fights as more like special episodes to shows, bonus levels for games, etc.  Besides it helps to setup for the royales we’ve got planned for the end of each season, instead of wasting time trying to come up with an excuse as to why this guy is still alive. 

BadOrk11: So that’s our introduction, giving a hint to future features, explaining the research stage, and telling everyone that we’re less violent; we missing anything else?

HoboSamurai: Other than some sappy dialogue about how we want to focus more on entertainment then some other crap I think that’s everything.

BadOrk11: Cool.  Well that’s about all we have for today folks.  I know that this was pretty short but I felt that it was necessary to let everyone in one how things were gonna go down.  Until next time people I’m BadOrk11 and he’s HoboSamurai signing off with a WAAAGH!!!

HoboSamurai: And yes people, he’s gonna do that every time we start and end this show… We’ll see you next time.